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.end.

Pre-warning: this is going to be a pretty lengthy one.

The day I anticipated after 3 months is finally here today, but why is it that I don't feel as satisfied as I should be? No doubt, I am really relieved that university life is over (I hope!) for me because really this has got to be the MOST tiring semester for me with assignments right from the first few weeks of school right to the very end of the term and with a few days apart to my first paper.

I didn't get to breathe the whole of this semester, really. I ditched my friends who were trying to set a date with me to celebrate my birthday but I just had to reject ALL of them, because I was too overwhelmed with projects. It's either I was busy with group meetings or I was just rushing for datelines.

Just when I was about to finally catch up with one of my really close friends after 8 years, weeks before her wedding, I had to say no to her last minute wedding preparation requests because everytime she asked me out on her off day to get some last minute things, I was always in the middle of my group project. I think that's the saddest opportunity I've lost this semester because now that she's married, I know that we probably won't be the same again.

That aside, this semester is one of the most challenging one thus far and it's the semester with the most irregular set of moods every single day. Too many good and bad things happened over the course of this semester that I think will remain the most memorable to me, at least. I learnt the most about myself and about the people around me this semester and I'm glad I have come to a realization about the people I meet everyday, just so that I can set a boundary around them.

Despite having learnt the true nature of the people around me, even those people I considered my friends, I am glad that there is at least one friend who is always always on the same page as me. I don't know how, but it's interesting how we always have the same thoughts and opinions about assignments, people, exams and everything else. It really feels good to have a friend who is constantly looking out for you and having the same opinions as you 99.999999% of the time.

I honestly won't know how I'd survive this semester (and uni life too) without this friend of mine because I literally spent the most of my uni life with her, right from the start when we both failed our marketing module. I guess it's a blessing to fail marketing after all, because I am really really blessed to have gone through our major modules together.

Not sure if you're reading this but yes Emily, it's you I'm talking about. Thank you for everything, my friend. I realised I don't even have a picture w you okay :<

But ofc, here's to my other precious friendships I've made throughout my uni life too, especially my two marketing girls who wants to get uni life over and done with as much as I do. I'm so blessed for all the people around me for always giving me encouragement to press on with what I'm doing and making me realize that it will all be worth it in the end.

Now that exams are finally over, I think I can start to think about the next chapter of my life. Or is it too soon yet? I'm just really hoping that I pass all my modules this sem bc really, I don't want to retake anything. I feel like I haven't done my best but I definitely have given my all.

For a person who is as lazy as me, I am surprised I (almost) conquered uni life. I mean I don't even have much interest in studies but I'm so glad I've made it this far. Now that I'm really in the final lap, I just want to be greedy and hope that I clear all my modules once and for all.

For now, I'll just leave my fate to the Almighty and let Him decide what is best for me. You've done well dear self. You've done well.

Goodnight everyone.

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Because apparently Google said that I can remember better if I memorise it and write it out 5 times.

And so I did.

I have 2 essays and 4 short answer questions to literally memorise for Tuesday because I don't understand a single πŸ’©. Someone pls help me………… 😫

Still standing strong. πŸ’ͺ🏻

Ps; I finally managed to understand and memorise the key points for two whole essays lol I better get 40 marks for this section pls πŸ€“

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#4am thoughts.

I suddenly came to a realization after the cohort's final paper today when everyone was saying "yes, no more exams" and springing up from their seats right after the final announcement to 'check your things under the table' was made.

There probably won't be anymore burning of nights and mornings trying to rush for datelines and memorising things at the very last minute anymore in my life after uni is over and the fact that I need to move on to the next stage of my life lol.

I'm not sure about anyone else but on top of those hectic assignments and exams, i actually really kind of enjoyed uni life hahahaha because at least, it makes me feel like I'm working hard for something. With that being said, as much as I enjoy the laidback and carefree uni life, I still won't want to come back to school again just for another module hahaha.

Anyway down to the last paper on Tuesday and my level of preparedness is – as of now: Zero. Im not sure if it's "okay" to risk one of the most important papers (of course it's not okay lol) and leave it to last minute studying but I think I've really lost all my motivation to study hahahahhahahaaha why can't my paper be squeezed in between my papers ahhhh

But anyway, here's to the end of exams in less than 3 days. I can do this! πŸ’ͺ🏻

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Not sure if it's the exam hormones (if anything like that even exist) or its just me feeling a little emotional but I've been feeling so touched these days that aunt has been coming snd staying over just to help manage the housework and cook for us bc I've been busy with exams.

If there's anything that I treasure the most in my life, is family. I think they are the ones who will be with you in your highest and lowest point and they will really do anything just for you.

Being on the receiving end makes me feel bad and it makes me reflect at how selfish I've been all these while. I'm not sure if I can even sacrifice half of what my family has sacrificed just for me, at least, and constantly sending me prayers and showering me with love.

Maybe I'm just too emotional, maybe I'm just really tired of being home alone taking to myself that I just got really touched when my family came back today lol.

Here's to the second last paper tmr, let's pass this shit! πŸ’©

Anyway I'm not sure if it's the exam hormones (again) but I have no idea how many times I've been staring at this picture the entire week. Really, I miss all my friends because I haven't seen ANY of my friends ever since school started (except for my friends in school and my best friends who came to surprise me in my room). But oh my god, the thought of not seeing any single one of your friends over 3 months is just insane. For me, at least.

And thisssss picture is just so pretty. Hahahaha okay I'm sorry but I've deleted all my social media apps during this period and the only app I'm left with is vscocam, dayre and snapchat lol so yeah I've been editing pictures and making it so pretty that I literally browse thru my vscocam gallery every single day lol.

Okay I miss my bunch of cousins too. I know I only saw them like 2 weeks ago but sigh I miss them already. We have an event planned out in December this year and I'm really really really really looking forward to spending time with all of them. I think I'll just die of happiness bc we have so much things planned out and I'm so so so excited for it.

Please pardon my spam tonight HAHAHAHAHAHA I think it's the pre exam vibes, I'm suddenly missing everyone around me lmao.

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Sending myself loads of positive vibes to finish up the last lap on my uni life. Down with one paper yesterday afternoon and to be honest, I couldn't stop thinking about the paper the whole day, even till now. I really hope I just get that 12 marks and clear this module. I don't like this after paper feeling but I hope I really pass my modules this sem.

2 more papers to go and I'm already looking fwd to the dramas I want to watch already hahahahaha

#icandothis πŸ’ͺ🏻

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I don't know how many times I've slept today I don't know how many times I've procrastinated today I don't know how many times I've used my phone today I don't know how many times I've told myself that I will study the next hour I don't know –

Okay stop I shld study.

My brain is overloading with info my brain is hurting my brain is calling for help my brain is telling me to stop reading my brain is trying to console myself my brain is dying

H E L P.

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I didn't realise how much I needed to know about EP until I printed out my 124 pages of notes. πŸ˜…

Less than a week to go before my first paper and I don't know if I'm even prepared for it. I think I'm doing pretty well this sem for a change (I really hope I am), considering that I need less than 15m for all my examinable modules to pass.

Last 2 weeks of burning my mornings and night to go, let's do this properly once and for all πŸ’ͺ🏻

So many things to know, so many things to memorise, so many things to remember

But so little time.

After a while, you begin to notice a pattern between friends. That's when you realise that their true colours are slowly surfacing without them noticing it.

Please be positive dear self. I can do this. 🎈